These are all learned from experience!
Do check the back of your outfit before you leave the house. A pair of knickers down one of your stocking clad legs is not a good accessory.
Do have something to eat 30 mins before.
Don’t let that food be curry or chilli. Fiery beer burps all night are not fun.
Don’t get so excited about going out that you lock your front door keys in the house and then have to wait an hour for a lock smith while wearing heels and a tiny dress on a winter’s night.
Do leg it to the local supermarket and start swigging wine while waiting.
Do check you have phone, money and keys before you leave…every place you go that night. So you don’t have to revisit them all again in reverse order.
Do write down mates and loved ones phone numbers. Put in your pocket/bra incase your mobile becomes stollen by children/out of charge/dropped in a toilet – again.
Do wear heels you can at least walk in. You’ll get refused entry if you appear wasted after falling onto the doorman.
Do a head count of mates when leaving/arriving – don’t accidentally count a random stranger.
Do write down the address of where you are staying if you’re in an unfamiliar area, along with the numbers of local taxi companies. Not everyone is lucky enough to find the same driver who dropped them off 5 hours earlier waiting at the local taxi rank.
Don’t attempt to climb up things or fit through very small things just to prove you can. Most fireman aren’t THAT sexy.
Do join in fun party games.
Don’t try to win extreme eating/drinking/spinning around a broom competitions if you plan to get through the rest of the night upright.
Don’t demonstrate handcuffs on yourself – especially self locking ones.
Do chase a group of fun lovin lads down the street with giant rubber phallus.
Don’t forget to check if they are underage and actually with their parents.
Do have a laugh ‘dancing’ around a pole
Don’t let go mid swing!
Do kiss a sexy bloke.
Don’t kiss his (cunning) brother a moment later thinking it’s him.
Do programme your number into his phone with short description of you ‘black boots, red hair’ so he doesn’t mistakenly arrange a date with you, thinking it’s your mate he’s talking to.
Do keep your drink in your hand or in close eye sight.
Don’t mistake your drink for another that’s been spiked so you end up suddenly buzzing your head off.
Do carry a few safety pins for wardrobe malfunctions.
Don’t improvise with black bendy straws so your outfit looks like some bondage piece of art that GaGa would wear.
Don’t dance on a very small table swimming with spilt drinks unless there is someone sexy to catch you.
Do leave the club/bar half an hour early to avoid queues and put your name on a taxi rank list then go and get a takeaway.
Don’t get chatting to people in the takeaway for so long your pre-booked cabbie gives up and buggers off.
Don’t send a drunken sext to that bloke you like only to realise after quite a while that you’re communicating with his wife.
Do promise to phone your mates when you get home safe.
Don’t fall asleep on phone and dial everyone in your address book at 3.00am
Do take a glass of water to bed with you.
Don’t mistake it for your leftover glass of vodka. Bit of a shock!
Do have a top night!!!
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