Vamp It Up

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To put this into context I eat some wheat, gluten and dairy but as a concession to the rule and only for a meal which is a treat occasionally. On a daily basis I really try to avoid them but it’s not always easy when other people are involved.

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Going nuts in Tesco

Me: Would you check if those wasabi coated nuts behind the counter have wheat in them, please.

Shop assistant scans them and puts them in my bag!?

Me: Excuse me I only asked you a question about them!

Shop Assistant (taking them back out): Why?

Me (taking a deep breath and speaking slowly): Can you check that they don’t have wheat in them please?

Shop Assistant (speaking even slower) These. Are. Nuts.

I take the bag off him.

Me: Here, it’s the first thing on the ingredients list!

Shop Assistant (optimistically): So now do you want them?

Me (trying not to loose my shit): No I have a food intolerance to it.

Shop Assistant looks at me like I’m (wasabi coated) nuts.

Local Shop Which Tries To Up-sell People Random Stuff

I put the glue I’m purchasing on the counter.

Shop Assistant: You buy Nutella!

Me: Excuse me?

Shop Assistant: You are girl, all girls like Nutella.

Me: I have a food intolerance to milk.

Shop Assistant: No, no milk.

Me: It’s ‘milk’ chocolate!

Shop Assistant: No, no – no milk, you buy now?

Me: IT WILL MAKE ME FEEL ILL! Goodbye!

Shop Assistant’s Wife freaks out at him in Indian.

The Flattering But Confused Deli Assistant 

Shop Assistant: Hello!

Me: Hello! Can I get the falafel with humous and salad in a tray please, without the pitta. I’m wheat and dairy intolerant so trying to cut down. Thanks.

Shop Assistant: Oh you are so slim!

Me (blushing and puzzled): Oh, erm thank you.

Shop Assistant serves me with my order including some extras and then smothers it all in yoghurt sauce.

I grit my teeth, thank her with a smile and leave.

Asda

Me: Do you know if you have any gluten free soy sauce in the free-from…..

Shop Assistant sprints off and shouts at me to follow.

Shop Assistant: Here is the soy sauce.

Me: I was trying to say, maybe in the free from isle? I have an intolerance to gluten which is why I’m asking.

Shop Assistant: It’s just sauce.

Me: Well, yes but 90% of the popular brands I’ve seen contain gluten though.

Shop Assistant (frowns and thinks for a moment): Oh right! Is it fish then?

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I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to have severe allergies – although when I’ve used the word ‘allergy’ instead, most people seem to understand the concept. I do think the term ‘food intolerance’ needs to be used though so people get more used to hearing it.

Chrissie xx


3 responses to “Customer Service Food Intollerence Fails.”

  1. teachezwell Avatar

    I appreciate that you can laugh about this! And they are hilarious anecdotes, but seriously, it is a challenge to get through to some folks….

    Like

    1. Manchester Flick Chick (Chrissie) Avatar

      I get that a language barrier can be a prob. What I don’t get is the group interviews these supermarkets do are really quite tough so I’m always amazed that customer service staff of big stores are so utterly confused when I’m being as clear as I can be. You have to laugh or you’d loose it sometimes 😆

      Liked by 1 person

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