- People show you the side of themselves that they want you to see so don’t be naive. People act differently around different people so for example, someone who may seem like a really kind person to you, might be utterly awful to someone they have an unjust prejudice against. If they are very gossipy to you about others, then what are they saying about you when you’re not there? Even a hyena can look like it’s smiling before it eats you.
- Say “No” to being a shmuck. “Can you just get me…” “You won’t mind letting…” “So you’ll do this…” Nope. “What!?” People can easily confuse your nice, patient and generous nature with you being a shmuck. Be kind to yourself and don’t be a shmuck.
- You are not an android. As someone with Dyspraxia, who has also developed chronic fatigue, I now understand that a human can only do so much before they burn out. Yes, you might have lots of stuff that you have to do but all we can really do is our best at that moment. You might not have the time, energy or emotional resources to make everything possible and that’s completely ok. Try not to feel like you have already failed because you weren’t able to start yet.
- Let that shit go. Things like someone always being disorganised or never filling up the water filter etc. isn’t that important. Life can be hard anyway without making everyday a battle. This also applies to arguing with complete strangers on social media over anything/nothing. Just chill your boots.
- Only surround yourself with decent people and don’t put up with arseholes just because it’s easier. There’s no point in putting up with people who are randomly shitty, to you or others, no matter how much of a laugh they can be other times. Turning a blind eye to their behaviour ‘for the sake of the group’ is basically condoning and encouraging it. Plus, you will feel so much more upbeat without them sucking up all of your positive energy like some arsehole black hole.
- Your relationship with your partner is your business. Do you really need to confide in people over your relationship woes all of the time? This sounds strange but figuring out how to deal with some problems between yourselves – without immediately turning to others for advice – can be very empowering and will build your confidence (and possibly your relationship) long term. Also, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve confided in friends about a relationship when I’ve been really upset or angry, then made up with the person I was talking about, only for the friends to act really negatively around them from then on or feel stuck in the middle or be annoyed that I didn’t take their advice. Awkward! Sometimes it’s better to deal with your own shit.
- Getting frustrated and angry over things not working out does absolutely nothing. Of course it’s important to acknowledge your frustration (rather than keep on saying you are ‘fine’ and then totally loosing your shit over a wet towel left on the floor later) but there are better ways to deal. a) Accept it as just ‘one of those things’ and move on b) When you have calmed down, think how you can possibly rescue the situation c) Have you learned anything that can help things go smoother next time?
- Karma/The world is not conspiring against you, honestly. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had ‘one of those days’ where it’s just one crappy thing after another but the trick is to not add them all up into one big ‘Gaaaaaagh!’ Just try and deal with each thing as it arises and don’t take it personally. See above.
- Try seeing things from your loved one’s perspective. Now I only apply this to people who are a) Complicated b) Absolutely bloody lovely. You know that you are a good judge of situations, you have set up reasonable boundaries for how you are to be treated and what you will accept, you are a bad-ass actually…But, sometimes it’s best to give a person you love the benefit of the doubt, just until you have had a proper heart to heart with them and gotten their perspective on the situation.
- You never know what difficulties strangers are going through so try not to be a judgmental dick. I remember this man smoking at a crowded bus stop and being rather snappy about it when we asked him to put it out. He then jumped onto the bus ahead of the queue as if it were a race. When I overheard his phone conversation on the bus I realised he was on his way to the emergency room as his wife had just been run over! I remember one time, hearing a child screaming in the supermarket; proper spawn-of-the-devil kind of sound. When I begrudgingly walked into that isle I saw a very exhausted and concerned looking Mum sitting on the floor, showing the child emotion/situation cards to try and determine if they were sad, angry, hurt, hungry, tired etc. I realised the child was having a genuine meltdown because they were totally overwhelmed and couldn’t communicate why. Next time you are tempted to roll your eyes and judge a complete stranger, just think how you’ve felt when someone has done the same to you on a bad day and don’t be that person.
❤ Chrissie ❤
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