Guru by Rupaul

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Guru by Rupaul (Sphere publishing £14.99) is 191 page photograph book that is also full of wisdom, insight and and one-linners that slay, proving she’ll never sashay away.

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I decided to treat myself to this for Christmas and I’m so glad I did! This would make a great little coffee table book for anyone who’s more creative and quirky, rather than pretentious and snobby.

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A lovely detail I found at the back is a list of Ru’s fave books, films and music!

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🖤✨Chrissie✨🖤

How The Hell Do You Sit Down In High Waisted Trousers & Jeans!?

It took me ages to find some cargo pants that weren’t skinny fit or cropped and then I came across these by Stradivarius £20.50 at ASOS. I thought I’d give high waisted pants one more try to define my waist and flatter my podge.

Kinda cool right? Well made, neutral colour, decent fit, decent length and very comfy…when standing…that’s the problem.

When sitting they come right up to my boobs like I’m an old lady. If I squish them down a bit I look like a horny old man! Oh. Hell. No.

I’m usually the same height as the online models but then, they rarely have DD’s. I was wearing a decent bra though so it’s the waist band that’s too high or my torso is too short, not that my babs are too low. LOL

So I untucked my top…

Much better. I think I look like I have bigger hips (so more shape) with this swing vest untucked anyway. So these pants are going to keep my legs cool but my back nice and toasty for Autumn/Spring then, which is quite nice actually.

If you’ve managed to sit down comfortably, and without looking ridiculous in high waisted pants/jeans with your top tucked in or a cropped top, I’d really love to know! Anyone want to help me out here?

Chrissie

Monthly Roundup – Feb & March

FEB

I’m going to start off with ‘Our Day’ as we call it because it’s around Valentine’s Day but it doesn’t HAVE to be on that exact date. We went to our favourite Asian vegetarian restaurant for traditional dishes, contemporary dishes and as many of the amazing mock meats we could fit!

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For Autumn and Winer and lets face it, most of spring in the UK I’ve taken to wearing JJH – Jumper, jeans and heels. For warmer days I pick a light knit with a wide neck, looser boot cut jeans and strappy heels. For colder days a chunky oversize knit, skinny jeans and high heeled ankle boots.

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After a busy afternoon or a night out at a gig, I’d be pretty useless the next day. I was being defeated by simple things like opening bottles, getting dressed and combing my hair, and also saying sentences which went around in circles without any point because I was really brain fogged as well as fatigued and utterly uncoordinated. So I sat down and kind of forced myself to think of 10 Reasons Why I Love My Wonky Body. The post got so many positive responses, from gentle encouragement to people saying they totally empathised and I’d made them feel better.

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I have to confess, in the 80’s I loved bumbags or fannypacks (for peeps in the US). Now the trend has been recycled into the more fashion friendly ‘belt bags’. So here are 12 Belt Bags for Spring.

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I also blogged 10 No Nonsense Life Lessons as it’s taken me a while to figure some of them out and I wished I’d have know all of them in teens and twenties.

Me and the Bloke celebrated Shrove…Pancake Day this year and made some rather substantial pancakes by adding too much flower – oops! We have them in the traditional neutral/savoury way, with lots of sugar and lemon.

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I always get flabby over winter from over eating and hibernating but I figured while the weather is cool I should get my butt moving now, before the weather gets too hot in Spring/Summer. I’m pretty pleased with the result, although those shiny nylon type of leggings act like cellophane (saran wrap) and do a lot of the work aesthetically!

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MARCH

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What a top night! The supporting band was Afro Cluster (reminds me of a retro hair product) who’s sound I’d describe as funky jazz hip-hop with a fantastic MC. Charles obviously knows his Northern Soul, trad soul and funk as he’s been doing this for over a decade now but I loved that he threw in three of Stevie Wonders funkiest tunes. Band On The Wall were lovely when it came to reserving me a banquette (as part of their disability accommodations) so I didn’t have any anxiety over standing in pain or passing out with heat fatigue.

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It snowed!!! Yes, as you can tell, I love snow. This is my view from the living room window. Rather Narnia-esque isn’t it? ^_^

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I’ve finally found a dairy-free chocolate and nut spread which tastes like Nutella, better actually! Here’s my review of Meridian Cocoa & Hazelnut Butter.

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Now the weather is getting milder (utterly indecisive) for Spring, I’m moving toward my trusty 90’s grunge look as the layering is so practical, plus, it’s more socially acceptable than going out in PJ’s.

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Eeeh, pie! For too long it has been a case of No woman, No pie, so for British Pie Week we accepted an invite to Pieminister on Church Street – which is quickly becoming my fave city centre street. I chose Wild Shroom pie; mushroom and asparagus in a creamy white wine sauce and the Bloke chose Saag Pie-neer; pea, paneer cheese, potato, chilli and mango, both with mash spud and gravy, of course (£7 for one).

The pies were amazing, pastry not too flakey, not too stodgy, with perfectly balanced flavours. I loved the mash but the Bloke thought it a little over-worked. He liked the gravy and I thought it would go perfectly with any pie on the menu but, for me, it didn’t taste savoury enough. Pieminister also offer three gluten free options but it depends were you go for your pie (pub, cafe, restaurant) as they aren’t available everywhere.

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It would seem that I’m going grey early, or rather, gold. My nearly black hair has been getting lighter and lighter, as have my pale green eyes, which are now a golden-amber shade. So does that mean I’m going to be a golden oldie? Haha! Sorry.

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I was sent this Hempz body moisturiser which has the scent of banana, which is just heavenly! It contains pure hemp seed oil, an absolute saviour for dehydrated, under nourished skin. It also contain Shea butter and ginseng to sooth skin (I used it after shaving my legs and it didn’t irritate them) and vitamins A, E and C to protect against environmental damage.

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We are growing a chilli plant, well it was three chilli plants but we killed the other two somehow. I was going to give it a name but the Bloke advised me not to get too attached, going off the overall survival rate.

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These Violife dairy free (and vegan) cheese slices taste like Kraft Cheese Slices but better. I’ve been melting them onto nachos in the microwave for 40 seconds for very melted on with salt and pepper or 20 seconds which is like that sweet, gooey, cinema cheese.

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I decided to check out Peacocks, a brand I used to love in my 20’s. They’ve gotten even better. I bought, beautiful lingerie, an initial cup, an initial makeup bag, a rose gold (and very sturdy) charging lead, and the most blinging hand-warmers and beanie I’ve ever seen. Everything I bought is well made, well fitting, reasonable priced, not to mention, very pretty!

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For anyone who is too old or just too damn cool for an easter egg, I did a little post of Dairy-free Chocoalte Treats for Easter.

Chrissie

Monthly Round Up – January

I’ve not posted that much this month, mainly because January is a bit bloody meh. I’ve only been averaging three hours of daylight with me being a night person, so not exactly motivating…Well, motivating me to turn on the TV and order takeaway!

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At the start of Jan I compiled a post of quirky motivational quotes – one for each day of the month. Some of my own making and other unclaimed one’s that I’d seen pop up on social media several times.

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I lost one of my snowflake earrings my Ma bought me (totally gutted) but found these beautiful one’s on Etsy by Pretty By Susan Jewellery. They were wrapped with such care, like a little gift.

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My only beauty review this month was Human + Kind Dry Hair Conditioner. What a wonderful start to the new year for my hair!

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I cannot justify spending money on tiny plastic unicorns, especially when I can’t tell which one I’m going to get as they are in blind boxes. Toki Doki notebooks on the other hand… ^_^

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I’ve slowly gotten into the habit of just accepting myself in piccies, rather than asking “Do my eyes look expressive/big/kind enough? Is my smile even?” Yes, I do have exquisite ‘resting bitch face’ and the photo often looks like it should be a meme captioned with a sarcastic ‘Yeah, right.’ or ‘As if.’ but it’s my face and I like me, so I guess I should like my face too – unintentionally disdainful expressions and all.

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I’ve been searching for some glam black heals with a bit (ok a lot) of sparkle for months. They were all either too high, too narrow, too slip on or too open toed. Then I found these in a wide fit and in the sale at New Look. I incorporated them into a sports-luxe outfit, with black straight-leg pants with a sporty beige side stripe, a velvet look rose-gold strappy top, black cotton cardigan, a metalic cross-body handbag and big hoop earrings. See bellow…

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To celebrate being together for just under a decade – but not sharing one tiny abode, which would drive us both nuts – me and the bloke went out for a meal. With lots of fun things planned in the next five months and having no money tree or generous genie tucked away, we decided to use up some vouchers to do what we’ve always both loved doing together; indulging in delicious dough, cheese and chocolate cake at Pizza Express.

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I decided to vicariously collect some urban apparel by putting together 12 Street Style Hoodies, all of which I’d wear myself and all of which are fairly affordable from the high street.

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More ‘Funny’ but Very Earnest Things I Said and Did as an A-typical Kid. If you have a sec and want a giggle and/or think you might identify with this.

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I made a fantastic peppercorn sauce by mistake! I combined 4 tspn dairy-free cheese sauce powder with 300ml almond milk, a teaspoon of nutritional yeast, salt and a lot of pepper.

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At this point in my life I’ve decided, unless my accessories are literally attached to me, then I can’t be responsible for not loosing them. I keep my handbag under my coat when walking through the city at night and love how versatile, cute and practical cross-body handbags bags are, so I selected 16 of the best.

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To help my conscience and the condition of my skin, I decided to try Zads vegan takeaway in Chorlton. I really want to say it was fantastic. It was not. For every positive, I found there was a negative (in my opinion) so fair-to-middlin I s’pose. If you live in the South Manchester area, please check out my review of Zads, then order something from them yourself and see what you think.

 

Screen Shot 2018-01-23 at 16.49.43It’s happened again, I do a thing on Polyvore and the glossy magazines copy me. SMH. I think I’d faint in those trousers though.

Chrissie

More ‘Funny’ but Very Earnest Things I Said and Did as an A-typical Kid

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I remember the Dr’s making a fuss that I wasn’t crawling yet and thinking I was ‘backward’ – a supposedly acceptable medical term in the 80’s. My Mum called my name and I noticed the new Dr and shouted “Hiya!” as I determinedly pulled myself up onto my feet and stood up.

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Another time the Paediatrician asked me “Can you draw me a picture” with a little frown I replied incredulously “Yes!?” My Mum had to explain to the Dr that he needed to ask “WILL you draw me a picture?”

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I got sent to speech therapy as a kid as I wasn’t saying (repeating parrot fashion) the ’normal’ amount of words for my age. The therapist who had a thick London accent said “Lorry” and pointed to a truck. Little Northern me said “No silly, it’s l-u-r-r-y! Mam, the lady needs school!”

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Apparently on my first day of nursery, it didn’t occur to me to play with another kid at the table-height sand pit. I just queued up behind them and patiently waited my turn!

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Also at my first day of nursery school when the teacher announced it was story time I headed straight for the beanbag, curled up and closed my eyes. It wasn’t until I heard everyone laughing that I realised they were all sat on a square of carpet cross-legged. Feeling totally embarrassed I guess I decided to style-it-out and just dragged the beanbag over onto the carpet and curled up on it again.

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In junior school the dinner lady brought out the big skipping rope but got distracted talking to another kid. Knowing that when you mess up – which I usually did after only three jumps – you have to join the back of the queue all over again, I saw my chance. I got my mates to hold the rope and began awkwardly skipping. When she noticed, the dinner lady freaked and told me to form a queue. I stopped and asked “So you’ve stopped me taking my turn skipping, to form a queue, to be the first one in the queue, so I can start skipping again?!” She waited until a big queue had formed and then sent me to the back of it – the cow!

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As a kid my Dad tried to engage me in math homework by asking “If you had nine oranges and you gave three to Mum and three to Nanna, how many would I get?” I replied “Two.” “No love, I’d get three.” With a rather perturbed expression I replied “Er, I’m really sorry Dad but you’d only get two otherwise I wouldn’t get ANY and you said they were my oranges!”

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Do you have any examples of you or your kids wonderful logic? I’d love to hear them!

Chrissie

The Christmas Tag

1. Do you start your Christmas shopping on Black Friday or wait until last minute?

I usually start having people’s presents in mind around November and then somehow realise close to christmas that I’ve still not got them, they won’t be delivered in time so now I have to go to the bloody shops. Why do I do this to myself!?

2. If you could be in any Christmas movie, what would it be?

One set in the US where they have their beautiful big house all decorated with christmas lights, a giant real tree and glittering topiary on the lawn, maybe a little frozen lake for ice skating….

3. Which do you like better: Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?

Used to be crimbo eve when I’d go clubbing but now it’s crimbo day.

4. When does your family (or you) put up your Christmas tree and who decorates it?

It always used to be me and Mum with a six ft tree, but now it’s me and my Bloke trying to make this little 1ft tree look grand. As you can see we need some practice lol We wait until December.

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 5. White lights or colored lights?

I love that yellow and red phase on modern lights as it’s so warm and inviting.

6. Are you guilty of peeking at your presents or do you like the surprise?

I usually know what I’m getting but I love it when someone throws in a little surprise.

7. Would you rather live in a gingerbread house or in Santa’s workshop?

The gingerbread house would end up decreasing in size as I ate it, ha! Santa’s workshop would be too noisy. So I’ll go with the tasty gingerbread house and be minimal.

8. Tell us your Christmas Eve traditions!

It used to be getting drunk tbh. Now it’s going out and having Christmas meals lots of different places.

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9. If you could be under the mistletoe with anyone who would it be?

Tom Hidleston, Xzibit, Gaten Matarazzo but he’s only 15 – maybe in five years! Jeffrey Dean Morgan or Idris Elba. I swear, I’d forget my own name if facing the latter two, or it would come out as “Chris…mas? Agh, ahahaa”.

10. What tops your Christmas tree?

A little wooden star at the moment but I’m holding out for a tiny angel or fairy.

11. Can you name the 12 days of Christmas?

Five gold rings! A French hen and Turtle Doves are in there somewhere.

12. Have you ever gone Christmas caroling?

I’ve sung in a non-religious choir at christmas in a church.

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13. Do you countdown to Christmas? If so, how many days left?

Sometimes I’ll get a dairy free choccy advent calendar but was too slow this year and they sold out :o( OMG three days!

14. What are some foods and treats you can count on having every holiday season?

Forerro Rocher or Roses at some point right? Gluten free mince pies if I can find any, Yorkshire puds, onion gravy, Quorn turkey which tastes really gamey!

15. How has Christmas kept it’s magic for you as you’ve grown older?

I’m not gonna lie – food. No, just all of it, the tree/lights, christmas cards, snow if we’re lucky, the prezzies, the christmas films, the whole festive vibe.

I have no clue who started this and there aren’t any rules so just join in!

Chrissie

 

My Favourite 90’s Christmas Films

I didn’t intentionally start out with only 90’s films but all of my fave crimbo films happened to have been made then!

Jack Frost (1998)

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A too busy father dies in an accident and then comes back in the form of a snowman his son builds. Sounds cheesy and it is but it’s also funny and heart-warming.

Home Alone (1990)

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Kevin gets accidentally left behind when his family go on holiday. He realises burglars are intent on breaking in and so he improvises to defend his home, with effective and hilarious consequences.

The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

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A Jim Henson twist on Dicken’s A Christmas Carol of course! I watched this the other week and it still stands up as wonderfully creative, funny and surprisingly moving christmas film.

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

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When Jack Skellington, the king of Halloween Town, discovers Christmas Town he is fascinated by it. He tries to recreate it and chaos ensues, along with a love story as Jack is quite sweet really.

Miracle on 34th Street (1994)

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A sceptical six year old and and a department store santa who say he is The Santa but can they prove it? An oddly-practical but charming christmas fairytale.

Which are your five general christmas favourite’s?

Chrissie

 

 

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