Things You Do When Your Partner Is Also Your Best Friend

  1. You spend A LOT of time together.
  2. It can be fun having a night out without your partner but then you are leaving your best mate behind.
  3. Even when you are annoyed with each other, you end up feeling bad that the other762b135bc518db5d1f580c82d842e585 feels bad. You want to stand your ground and comfort them.
  4. You end up sharing most of your friends which makes it super awkward if one of you has a big disagreement with somebody.
  5. Sometimes you forget that they are a separate person “I was buying foundation and you know when shop lighting washes you out…” No they probably don’t and they definitely don’t care.
  6. You realise you don’t really have anyone to ask for relationship advice who knows you that well.
  7. They have been there through everything. Hangovers, flu, food poisoning, when you were hangry or going all gooey over some cheesy but sweet TV advert…And they remember it all. o_O
  8. You share everything, books, gadgets, food, games, his giant but very cozy fleece top.
  9. You have conversation with so many abbreviations, in jokes and meaningful looks that your friends are quite clueless as to what you are talking about.
  10. You know you have someone who, when it comes down to it, will always have your back and who probably knows you better than you know yourself.

Who can relate to any of these?

Chrissie

When Someone In Your Extended Social Group Always Acts Like A Pissy Little Bitch Toward You

You know that person who’s a friend of a friend (or a few friends), who you were perfectly nice to when you were first introduced but despite this they always act bitchy toward you for no apparent reason?Screen Shot 2016-07-29 at 15.17.28

I’ve had that problem with someone for a decade. Back handed compliments, them making public snarky comments that were so obviously about me, liking a Facebook post within which I’m actually really annoyed – even though they’ve never liked any other of my posts before (I didn’t even realise we were ‘friends’), sometimes completely ignoring me as if I’m just an object like a chair or table. Always careful not to do it in front of people – well not in any obvious way anyway.

The surprising thing is this is a middle aged person who’s acting like a pissy little bitch with me. I’ve even just asked them straight up “You don’t like me do you?” They gave me a sort of smug look and asked “And why wouldn’t I?” Then when our mates came over the person offered to buy me a drink with a smile that didn’t reach their eyes.

I’m not even going to try and figure out why this person dislikes me. I don’t care about their reason. Not everyone naturally gels with everyone else. People are allowed to dislike each other or even have some miss guided chip on their shoulder about that person. However, they should either man up and tell the person what their problem is or be basically polite to them knowing they sometimes mix in the same circles and act like an adult, not some bitchy 14 year old cheerleader. Like I said I’m not so much bothered about their reason, I’m just confused as to why they are still doing this all these years later.

I’ve mentioned it to my bloke and he’s said he’s noticed this person is always very cold toward me, maybe because they are simply a bit of dick? The fact they are aiming it at me is surprising though. But then really who cares, it’s their problem.

That’s the point isn’t it. Not everyone will like you, some people will be a dick for no good reason but really, why waste your time giving a damn :o)

Chrissie

15 Ways To Know When Your Boyfriend Is Also Your Best Friend

  1. He knows the exact way you like your weird food. Beens on your slightly overdone cheese toasty? No problem.
  2. You naturally help each other out because it’s a nice thing to do and you aren’t keeping count of favours.
  3. You share your favourite films and music and then realise you both liked similar if not the same already.boat
  4. When you are apart you either face timing each other or DM each other funny memes or email interesting articles. You always have ‘Oh I know they’d like this’ in the back of your mind.
  5. When you argue it’s because you are trying to get your differing points across to be understood. Not for smug point scoring.
  6. He’s phoned you at 1.00am when you are having a night out with friends ‘Just to check’ you are still ok and told you to phone him if you are stranded/in trouble, even if he doesn’t drive!?
  7. He will still invite you round to his, even though you’ve told him you need to watch the final of The Voice or Strictly Come Dancing as he knows how important it is to you.
  8. He will be honest and tell you if you are acting like a total muppet. You can also ask each other for objective advice. “Do these shoes make my feet look weirdly big?” “Not if you were a clown.”
  9. He’s taken the time to look after you when you’ve been poorly, like running to a late night chemist, massaging your feet or helping you get ready in the morning.
  10. You have a million in-jokes and phrases. You can have entire conversations that leave your group of friends looking completely perplexed.
  11. He’s seen you ugly cry and/or helped you to bed when you’ve had a few too many and not delighted in mentioning it the next day.
  12. You have declined invites out with friends because you are near the end of a Breaking Bad marathon (again).
  13. You have started sharing the same tees and hoodies and you aren’t sure who ‘borrowed’ what off whom anymore.
  14. He naturally encourages you to follow your dreams or hobbies even if they are different from his.
  15. You often take the mickey out of each other but it’s always in a tongue -in-cheek way.

Do you relate to any of these or have any of your own?

See also 20 Ways to Know if He’s The One

Are you being too nice?

Most of us are taught from an early age that we should be nice to people and not deliberately exclude anyone. When we grow up however, we have to WANT to be generous, helpful and sympathetic to a person, otherwise trying to be ‘nice’ can come across as patronising or obviously fake.

On the other hand…

Being overly nice isn’t going to get everyone to like you and it can easily come across as desperate or even stalker-ish to new people!

With friends and family if we are always overly generous and forgiving with everyone, eventually, even the most well meaning of people will start to take advantage of our nice nature.

How many of us have been long time friends or partners with a seemingly outgoing person who’s always in the middle of some drama? It’s easy to become the person who just provides them with constant attention and an ego boost, which gets thrown back in our face the minute we stop.

Being too nice can mean we are accidentally flirting! If someone fancies us or is having a bad day and feeling unloved and then we are suddenly really nice to them, they might easily take it the wrong way. Then what happens? We don’t correct them because we feel bad about being mean because we are too nice! Awkward.

There are times when our nice nature can breed our own resentment. I know we shouldn’t just do a favour to get one in return but when we knock ourselves out to be considerate and helpful but don’t get that same level in return, it can be rather depressing. Which leads to one of these conversations “You are so ungrateful! All the things I do for you…”

We need to understand sometimes other people are too busy to have the time to reciprocate or too stressed maybe to notice. It’s never a good trait to deliberately be a martyr and hold it over everyone anyway.

Still, constantly being, doing and thinking things for others – even with the best of intentions – can be exhausting and frustrating. We need to put ourselves first sometimes without feeling guilty.

Anyone else do some of these?

So the question is: Exactly how nice are we meant to be?

You Can Be A Feminist & Let A Man Take Charge

A women who wants the right to equal pay, the right have kids and a career or just the career, the right to sleep with who she wants, the right for her opinion on important issues to be heard, and who wishes the same for other women, is a feminist.

I applaud and support women like this.

However, you can take proving you are strong and independent a little too far.
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I was a fairly tough chick who never used to show her emotions – well not the vulnerable ones any way. “Don’t hug me! If you hug me I might cry.” “That’s ok.” “Piss off!”

I would struggle for ages with something fiddly before begrudgingly asking for help.

I was rubbish at accepting advice, especially from a man because that would mean I was admitting I was weaker.

I was an idiot! Thankfully, my attitude has matured a lot since then.

It’s ok to let your guard down…

Like a million women out there, I go all giggly when a handsome bloke catches me off guard with a genuine compliment. I appreciate men offering me their hand when I’m walking down a slippery slope. When I’m cold and a dude puts his jacket around my shoulders I’m really happy. Not just because of the warmth but because of the gesture. When I feel poorly or blue a big bear hug from a lovely bloke cheers me up because I feel cared for.

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I’m not remotely petite and girly but I love having a big bloke make me feel like I am.

I know I can look after myself most of the time but when walking home at night or when there’s a spider in the bath I want to be protect by a manly man.

When I’m doubting myself or having an emotional wobble I want to be held and told by someone bigger than me that it’ll be ok because they are there.

I appreciate good old fashioned chivalry and for a man to make me feel safe and special and to spoil me sometimes.

When we want that kind of male support it doesn’t make us weak or hypocritical. It doesn’t mean we are all just lost little girls that NEED men to control and rescue us. It’s simply that, it feels fantastic when you can let yourself be vulnerable enough with a man to admit you want help or reassurance and to accept it. Blokey bear hugs are the best!

Advice To My Teenage Self

So it’s 1994, your in High School and you are pretty clueless. You don’t have an older sister or any other relatives to turn to for advice. First of all yes, you have been classed as a little bit of dork by some people but being kind of awkward doesn’t define you or make you that different anyway. Learn to roll with it, you’ll get a better sense of humour that people will love.

My 13yr old self

My 13yr old self

Here are all of the life lessons I’ve learned so far and how they can help you:

Boys:

Most teenage boys are a total mess, they’re just better at brazening it out, so it looks like they have got their act together. Let me tell you something: One day you suddenly decide to act really confident around a bloke you meet and bag yourself your first boyfriend. It only last a month but that’s hardly the point!

Don’t assume good looks equal value. Being attractive doesn’t always mean blokes will treat you with any more respect. Years later when you’re looking hot and acting confident you will attract men in clubs that seemed really cool. Then after a while their act will slip and you will see the real (nasty) version of them. If a bloke is a d!ck he will eventually act like one no matter how attractive you are. Fortunately you will developed a great radar for these types of men, fairly early on.

Around the age of 18 you learn that you can wrap men who are a good few years older than you, around your little finger. You can chat to them on their level but you can also surprise them and charm (disarm?) them without trying very hard. Yes, this is fun and it gives you a massive and well needed ego boost, but don’t be too mean. Their heart is not yours to play with.

So you have your guard up after getting miss-treated, in fact you’re so tough you are in danger of developing a bit of a chip on your shoulder. Not every bloke who is charming is a player. Not every bloke who is polite and generous is a total pus…sh over. My best mate at that time gave me some fantastic advice. “If you want a nice bloke to actually take the lead for once, then for god sake let him!” Avoid mentally slotting men into neat categories and per-judging them too soon. Don’t end up taking control of the situation and making all the decisions, just because you find the man to be a tad too placid once or twice. Basically, unless you take the time to go on a few dates and really get to know the person you could miss out on someone amazing!

Saying that, never, ever put up with a wanker. Make sure you always keep your pride, independence and always value yourself. Nowadays I go off a 30/70% ratio. If he’s a bit of an arse 30% of the time but genuinely lovely for the other 70% then that’s acceptable. Sure the relationship needs work (all relationships should from both parties) but if you both love and really respect each other, that’s what matters.

Don’t be a victim:

If you are being bullied always tell someone, whether it’s a mate, teacher or a member of your family. You are a kid, it’s not your problem to deal with alone. Try not to be ashamed, it’s a weakness in the bullies personality, it’s not a true reflection of how you deserve to be treated. You will get told to just ignore it. Now although this is sound advice if you are out numbered or the bullies are easily capable of kicking your arse, but I wouldn’t recommend it constantly. There’s a fine line between trying to rise above it and becoming a victim who just accepts it. You don’t deserve it, you should never just accept it. You will quickly learn to get a smart mouth on you and come out with witty put-downs, which hone in on the bully’s insecurities. It really lessens the frequency of the bullying if you can get their group of mates laughing with you, rather than at you.

Obviously violence can get you expelled, tagged or arrested so I don’t really recommend it. However, I can think of a few people (who will constantly verbally abuse and humiliate you for a few years) who deserve a quick strategically placed kick! I’m now a great believer of starting off on the right foot ;0) You should take up some form of basic martial arts or self defense training. No, not so you can kick ass but so that you can defend yourself (and be in control of the amount of necessary force you use) in case any one attacks you in the future. Be that a bully, a robber or a pervert!

You are not thick!

There are different types of intelligence and test scores don’t always reflect how bright you are. So what if the words you write get jumbled up or you miss some out. I know it’s frustrating when you have to try so hard (even just to stay focused on the task) but no matter how hard you try, you still get crappy marks. You are not ‘lazy’ or ‘off with the faeries’ and ignore any teachers that say you are. They are the ones making lazy assumptions. Turn your energy to the subjects that interest you and sod the rest!

You have a load of emotional intelligence, that’s why people appreciate your advice. It’s also why you will learn how to manipulate certain situations to go your way. As you know, that’s not exactly an admirable quality so ease off on that, seriously. Insight will help you massively in a future relationship when you turn that quality toward yourself, and use it to figure out the motivations behind your actions and thoughts.

Street smarts, you have more of these than you realise. Thinking on your feet on the spur of the moment will get you out of a lot of trouble. OK it will also get you into some but it will be the fun kind! You will avoid several potential street fights between your mates and gangs as you will manage to talk your way around it.

Don’t try too hard to be liked or be too mean to others who are doing so

You are lucky as you have a big group of close friends. Very soon someone will turn on one of you in a really unfair manner and the rest of the group won’t stick up for that person. You will though, even though it means you end up in a petty war with the rest of them for a few years. You will do this because it’s the right thing to do. This person will become your best mate for the next five years and you will be there for each other through some really significant moments in your lives. In fact you will drift in and out of each others lives for years to come and still be in touch with them now.

Don’t be a doormat. If you try too hard to be liked you will end up like that weird girl that’s always clinging on around the edge of your social group. Oh by the way, be nicer to her. Don’t let people take you for granted, as quite often people treat you the way that you let them treat you. Don’t try to be cool, just try your hand at everything! Oh poor you, none of your friends wants to try indoor rock climbing, archery etc so you don’t get to do it. Man up and try it anyway! You might make an entirely new set of friends or at least gain valuable life skills such as resourcefulness and independence. Don’t bother with the bowling phase though, you get bored and end up with an expensive custom designed ball your folks can’t re-sell!

Fashion

At 13 (or any age actually) don’t bother trying to be fashionable all of the time. I know you are not exactly arsed about this and you have your own weird grungy, rocker style anyway. This is popular with alternative types and students, oh and a certain Kurt Cobain but unfortunately you won’t even realise this until your around 17-18. I know popular kids at your school are often scallyfied, wearing named sports brands such as ‘Alley Ansen’ – which you will later learn is pronounced Helley Hansen and is (quite bizarrely for high school kids) a company specialising in clothing for yachting and fishing. WTF! Now in 2013, eye jewellery, dip-dye (even hair!) and DM’s are seriously in fashion, as in models strutting down the cat walk wearing them kind of fashion. Basically all street-style and alternative fashions will be embraced by fashionista’s if you wait long enough. It goes around on a loop about every 15 years or more. So just chill your boots kiddo.

Dressing slutty will get you male attention but for all the wrong reasons. It can also intimidate a lot of blokes that might have talked to you otherwise. It isn’t good to get stuck in a style rut though and a whole lot of fun to gather the girls around for makeovers!

If you are struggling, just pick a genre like nautical or boho or a celeb you like who has a similar figure as you or a certain decade that you identify with. Now you have a clearer idea of what you are aiming for it makes shopping a lot easier. It’s great that you go shopping with mates who’s opinion you can trust. Don’t wear all of your fave bold pieces at once, or your items will be fighting each other for attention. Or even worse you will look like you have come in fancy dress! Wear one loud/interesting/detailed piece at a time, combined with slightly plainer, simpler items. Unless of course you have the attitude to pull off acid wash dungarees with neon pink trainers and an oversize lime green slogan t-shirt. I was channeling the Fresh Prince of Belle-air there.

Skin care

First thing, get into a good cleanse, tone and moisturise routine. Find the right moisturiser for your skin as it will have a massive effect on how your make-up goes on and whether it stays on.

Find an alternative to shaving, as hair will grow back coarser and really blunt. Have the patience to learn how to pluck and wax properly. This will save you a lot of time in the long run.

You have bad skin so eat more fresh fruit and veg (one portion of each a day is a bit rubbish), drink more water and cut out fizzy drinks. Go to your Dr’s about your skin. If what he suggests/prescribes doesn’t work then Keep a food diary of what you eat and how your skin reacts to certain types of food. Bear in mind it might take a few days to react. Go back to your Dr’s armed with this info and ask to be referred to a nutritionist.

Makeup

I’m talking about having fun whilst enhancing your features, not slapping on masses of colour everywhere. Yes it does make you look astonishingly older but too much also makes you look tacky and easy. Work with your natural dark colouring, so go for earthy or berry tonnes but nothing too harsh and dark or you will look drained. Eyeshadow that clashes with your eye colour (like bright purple for green eyes) will really make them stand out. Play up your best features and play down the ones you don’t like. Get used to using bronzer (only one shade darker than your skin tone and not sparkly) and highlighter (only one shade lighter and not too silvery) to slim down your features, as you feel self conscious about them. Stop doing that thing of lining your lips with a darker colour pencil than your lipstick. This is what Pamela Anderson does – nuff said.

Finally:

There will be so many crappy moments, moments you shouldn’t have to deal with (you really should report more than just one of these to the police) but you will deal with and come out with your dignity and your head held high. Then there will be so many hilarious moments and times when you are having so much fun! You will make some wonderful friends, and unexpectedly loose some. Some friendships will drift apart and some you will be glad to be rid of.

You will completely fail at things you thought would be much easier and there will be times you achieve things you would never expect. Like getting to the top of a 50ft climbing wall. Abseiling down a 140ft cliff face. Braving half an hour in a kayak on the open sea whilst pooing your pants (not literally, that comes later, don’t ask) OK so you cried and had to be toed to the shore but at least you had the guts to attempt it. You will collect 4,000 signatures on a petition to save trees in your boyfriend’s local park and manage to save over 100 trees. You will help to set up a protest camp and go on marches for causes you believe in.

You will find a fantastic bloke who reminds you so much of yourself it highlights all of your flaws and your best attributes. You will go through a lot of crap with each other (mainly because of each other) but your relationship will be stronger and you will understand each other, and yourselves better because of it.

Never forget you are awesome.